Wednesday, January 6, 2010

How an Innocent Comment led to My DEAL WITH THE UNIVERSE

OK, I've done it. I've officially decided on my DEAL WITH THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!! (Imagine that in a big booming, echoy voice.)

What is a deal with the universe, you ask? It's the semi-embarrassing thing I'm going to do when my book finds a publisher. For references, see Frankie's this crazy person's deal with the universe, or Shannon's deal with the universe. (Seriously, Frankie's deal is honestly pure insanity. I mean, isn't it every writer's dream to get a three-book deal? But would you videotape yourself washing a car in a bikini, then post it on the Internet for the whole world to see if you did?? Maybe if you were built like Frankie you would, but my size 10 butt is staying in jeans, thankyouverymuch.)

I knew the day would come when I would have to make my deal. But I had NO idea what to do. I'm very good at embarrassing myself, but it usually comes about in a very natural way. So unless I kept a camera on me 24-7, I really had no clue what to do. I briefly considered turning it over to you, the readers, for suggestions, but I've seen how evil you can be, and I didn't want to take any chances. I figured it would come to me one day when I was least expecting it.

Boy was I right.

Today I was commenting on Frankie's most recent blog post (in case you couldn't tell, I love Frankie's blog), and said:
I agree with Sarah, but at the risk of involving myself in the blog wars and having to, I don't know, sing a song I wrote inspired by my WIP or something equally embarrassing, I'm not going to actually DARE you to do it, just say that I really, really, really want you to...and maybe offer a strong HINT to Shannon.
 I wrote that italicized bit (italics added here for emphasis) on a whim when I was trying to come up with something someone would dare me to do. My mind did a mental scan of my house, and I thought of the dusty old guitar that's been sitting in my closet, untouched, for a few years now. My husband plays his guitars, so I keep mine around in case his breaks (because I know we can't afford to buy another one), but I've moved on to other ventures. Every so often I'll pick up his six-string and bang out a few chords, but I always just laugh at myself and put it back down. I'm a writer, not a musician! This is ridiculous.

And then it hit me: what a perfect deal with the universe. Moderately embarrassing, so the universe will see fit to give me what I want, but still completely doable. I've written songs before (and they've all been awful and cheesy), so I know it can be done. And that settled it.

So...*ahem* (Universe, I hope you're listening!)

I, Heather, promise to write and record (possibly in a vlog, if I have that technology by then) a song inspired by my book when the Universe sees fit to give me a book deal. 

Ugh. I can feel the calluses forming on my fingers from hours of practice already.

Seriously, I know like three chords...G, Em, and D. Oh, wait, I know C, too. So that's four.

Now all I have to do is finish editing, get it out to my critique partners, edit some more, have some more people look at it, edit a little more, query, fail, query, fail, lather, rinse, and repeat, until I finally succeed. By which time hopefully you all will have forgotten about this post.


  1. I saw that post on Frankie's blog (I think even the universe stalks her) and laughed aloud! I thought, Oooo, she's asking for it! Guess I was right. Ha ha ha. :-)

  2. Ahahahahahaha! That is AWESOME!!!! And you just saved yourself from me daring you! It's going to be great Im so excited. Also I love that you think I'm built---really, not so much, hence the embarassment:-)

  3. J. I hope it will be epic :) But it will probably be awful.

    Shannon and Frankie: I KNEW someone was going to dare me, so I beat them to the punch. I'm a strong independent woman who can't be told what to do! (read: coward who wants to make sure the dare is on HER terms!)

  4. Oh, and belly dance, so you at least have some abs. All I have is flab. Trust me on this.

  5. Oh, I can't wait to hear it! I'm been trying to come up with a deal with the universe for myself. It definitely needs to be something embarrassing, because with my luck, then I'm sure to get what I want and have to do the embarrassing thing. But, I guess that's why we make deals with the universe,anyway.

    Good luck!

  6. Sounds like a fun deal! Hope it comes true sooner rather than later! :)

  7. HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS POST SOONER? Wow, I am SERIOUSLY behind on my blog hopping. This is AWESOME! Welcome to the crazy club--it's awesome over here! (And I love that the blogosphere is getting this idea that I'm crazy and evil--it's hilarious!) Let's hope we all sell our books in 2010 so we get to humiliate ourselves together! (For the record...singing? OMG-YOU ARE CRAZY! Not as crazy as Frankie. But still....)

  8. LOVE it. This is your year...better warm up those fingers!

  9. Kimberly - That is EXACTLY why we make deals with the universe! You just have to make a deal that is embarrassing but not TOO'll come up with it eventually.

    Jody - Thanks! Me too :)

    Shannon - LOL, I have no idea how it took you so long. 2010 is BOUND to be amazing if all of us can sell our books! Then in 2011, maybe Frankie can make a music video out of my song.

    LandL - I hope so!! Thanks!

  10. Excellent choice for a deal with the universe! I still need to make one... and I'm currently stumped. But yes, I want to do it on my terms too. Can't wait to see this one happen!


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